Honest Tom! [poem by Reggie the Wroughter, 1 August 1915]

[Editor: This poem was published in The Sunday Times (Perth, WA), 1 August 1915.]

Honest Tom!

(The trotting stewards have exonerated the rider of Honest Tom, whose remarkably inconsistent performance caused such a hostile demonstration at Saturday week’s “trots.”)

“Reggie the Wroughter” loquitur:

“I’ve seen sum blanky ’orses,
An’ fer ’eaps I’ve ’ad ther com.,
But nothin’ yet I’ve ever glimpsed
’As equalled Honest Tom!

“’Is coat wuz bay an’ glossy;
’Is build was trim an’ tight,
An’ ev’ry punter sed it wuz
‘Good-bye’ w’en ’e wuz right.

“We picked ‘good things’ at Bicton,
An’ yet we let ’em slide,
Fer we wuz waiting fer the time
When Tommy got astride.

“We ’id uv early mornin’s,
Out in the mud an’ slime,
Ter glimpse ther track with Tommy’s ’orse
Just smashin’ up ’is time!

“O’ nights on Jones’s Corner
We barked it ter the mob,
An’ orl ther sports swore crimson oaths
They’d risk their bottom bob.

“We nosed around the Terrace,
Ter get their punters tight —
Did everything, till cum ther chat
‘They’re flyin’ ’im ter-night!’

“So we chased up orl our cobbers,
An’ took wot e’er we got,
An’ on that bay an’ glossy moke
We hupped ther blanky lot.

“But — y’ know ther sorry story
(It’s just a blighter’s luck!);
’E never showed an inch uv pace,
An’ finished — in ther ruck!

“We did our cash, but cheerful,
And said the owner bloke
Wuz durned unforchinit ter do
’Is cash on sich a moke.

“But where ther big ’eads gather,
Cum whispered to an’ from,
Ther publik ’eard not, but it wuz
‘Look out — for Honest Tom!’

“Well, comes along next meetin’;
Another mob gets in,
And soon we sees that Honest Tom
Is backed fer pots uv tin.

“Ther pistol gets ’im goin’
(Just watch young Tommy’s stride!).
We saw at once that Honest Tom
Wuz easy ’ome an’ dried.

“It won, an’ we ’oo’d backed it
Just a crimson week before
(An’ this time never touched it),
Well, you should ’ave ’eard us roar!

“Uv course the sties inquired,
Corze ther mugs ’ad roared they should,
And they found that orl wuz lovely
(As the ’eds ’ad tipped they would!).

“So we bend ter Dudley’s Orphan,
And ter orl ther like we bow,
Fer we dared ter corl ’em crook ’uns,
An’ we see our error now!

“An’ we’re buyin’ bran’ new ’opples
As a little present from
Us evil cows ’oo gunned ’im
An’ doubted Honest Tom!

“And since we’ve ’eard ther verdict
That’s canonised ther boy
We’re ’untin’ fer an ’alo
Fer Honest Tommy Foy!”

— Reggie the Wroughter.

Source:
The Sunday Times (Perth, WA), 1 August 1915, p. 19 (3rd page of the “Second Section”)

Also published in:
The Sun (Kalgoorlie, WA), 8 August 1915, p. 3

Editor’s notes:
’ad = (vernacular) had

’alo = (vernacular) halo

an’ = (vernacular) and

’as = (vernacular) has

’ave = (vernacular) have

bay = a reddish-brown colour; particularly used to refer to a reddish-brown horse (especially with a black mane and black tail); a reddish-brown animal

Bicton = Bicton Racecourse in Perth (Western Australia), it was established in 1904, and closed in 1917

blanky = substitution for a swear word (such as “bloody”)

blighter = bloke, chap, fellow, man

bob = a shilling (equivalent to twelve pence); after the decimalisation of the Australian currency in 1966, the monetary equivalent of a shilling was ten cents; the phrase “a couple of bob” could specifically refer to two shillings (and, later on, to twenty cents), but it was generally a common reference to a small amount of money, as in “can you lend me a couple of bob?”

bran’ = (vernacular) brand

buyin’ = (vernacular) buying

canonised = to enter someone into the canon of saints (to enter someone’s name in the canon catalogue of saints, i.e. to place someone’s name on the authorised list of saints); appointed as a saint, turned into a saint; glorified, regarded as holy, treated as a saint; admired or praised very highly

cobber = friend, mate

corl = (vernacular) call

corze = (vernacular) ’cause (because)

cow = in historical Australian slang, a disrespectful and negative term for someone (usually regarding men); in modern slang, a reference to a disliked woman, especially one who is regarded as annoying, fat, lazy, nasty, stupid, or unpleasant; something which is unpleasant or objectionable (such as used in the phrase “a fair cow”); can also refer to: a large female adult mammal (regarding cattle especially, but also including others, e.g. elephants, seals, whales)

crimson = a euphemism for “bloody”

crook = crooked, dishonest, dodgy; a cheat, a fraud

Dudley’s Orphan = a racehorse, based in Western Australia

durned = (American vernacular) alternative form of “darned” (a euphemism for “damned”)

’e = (vernacular) he

’ead = (vernacular) head

’eap = (vernacular) heap

’eard = (vernacular) heard

’ed = (vernacular) head

e’er = (vernacular) an archaic contraction of “ever”

’em = (vernacular) a contraction of “them”

ev’ry = (vernacular) every

fer = (vernacular) for

goin’ = (vernacular) going

home-and-dried = sure of success, an achievement, or a win; sure of gaining safety (also rendered as “home and dry”, “home free”)

’im = (vernacular) him

’is = (vernacular) his

loquitur = (Latin) speaks, talks; he/she speaks; begins to speak (especially used as a stage direction in a play, to indicate that the person named enters the stage and begins to speak, e.g. “Enter John Smith, loquitur”) (abbreviated as: loq.)

meetin’ = (vernacular) meeting

mob = generally “mob” refers to a large group of animals, commonly used when referring to cattle, horses, kangaroos, or sheep; also used to refer to a group of people, sometimes – although definitely not always – used in a negative or derogatory sense (possibly as an allusion to a group of dumb or wild animals), but also used in a positive sense (e.g. “they’re my mob”), especially amongst Aborigines

moke = an inferior horse (originally, it was a term for a donkey)

mornin’ = (vernacular) morning

mug = a fool, someone who is gullible

nothin’ = (vernacular) nothing

’ome = (vernacular) home

’oo = (vernacular) who

’oo’d = (vernacular) who had

orl = (vernacular) all

’orse = (vernacular) horse

pots = pots of money; i.e. a lot of money

publik = (vernacular) public

sed = (vernacular) said

sich = (vernacular) such

smashin’ = (vernacular) smashing

sties = stewards; possibly taken from the origin of “steward”, which derives from the Old English “stiweard”, keeper of the hall (“sti” or “stig”, meaning “hall”; “weard”, meaning “keeper” or “ward”)

sum = (vernacular) some

ter = (vernacular) to

ther = (vernacular) the

tin = (slang) money

trots = trotting races; horse races (commonly rendered as “the trots”)

’un = (vernacular) one (plural: ’uns) (may be spelt with or without an apostrophe)

unforchinit = (vernacular) unfortunate

’untin’ = (vernacular) hunting

uv = (vernacular) of

w’en = (vernacular) when

wot = (vernacular) what

wuz = (vernacular) was