[Editor: This poem was published in Hermes: The Magazine of the University of Sydney (Sydney, NSW), 20 November 1894.]
The Rival Societies
(With apologies to Bret Harte).
I’m a student at the Uni., and my name is — never mind.
I am not up to small deceit or wickedly inclined,
And I’ll tell in simple language what I know about the row,
Why the actors and musicians do not speak while passing now.
Now nothing could be finer, or more beautiful to see,
Than the Grand Orchestral Concert of the new Society,
And the actors rashly asked them, if they’d like to come and play,
To aid the Women’s College, and they up and answered “yea.”
Then Sworeboy, the conductor, brought along a mighty crew,
And proceeded to instruct them as to what they were to do,
But those who played the trumpets thought that while they had the chance
They might watch the actors closely — and especially the dance.
And in consequence the music showed a lack of time and tune,
For the violins and the cornets “got the do” on the bassoon,
While the man who taught the dancing and the man who waved the stick,
In their anger bandied language which would make a parson sick.
Then Stiff’un, of the flauto, expostulated when,
The butt end of a trombone took him in the abdomen,
And he swore a lurid sort of swear and curled upon the floor,
And the subsequent proceedings interested him no more.
For in less time than I write it, every member did engage
In a kind of Chinese warfare with the people on the stage;
For the way they heaved the trumpets in their anger was a sin,
Till Patrick, with a drumstick, caved the head of Sworeboy in.
And this is all I have to say of these unproper games,
Though the facts are as I’ve stated, yet I’ve altered all the names,
And I’ve told in simple language all I know about the row,
Why the actors and musicians do not speak while passing now.
THE LOAFER.
Source:
Hermes: The Magazine of the University of Sydney (Sydney, NSW), vol. 10 no. 6, 20 November 1894, p. 3
Editor’s notes:
Bret Harte = (1836-1902) an American author and poet
expostulate = remonstrate; to argue or reason with someone, especially to talk them out of doing something or to rebuke them for something done
parson = a clergyman, minister, rector, or vicar (especially a Protestant clergyman; particularly a parish priest of the Church of England)
row = a noisy argument, conflict, disturbance, or fight; an argument or dispute; a loud noise, commotion, or uproar
uni. = an abbreviation of “university” (may be rendered as “uni.” or “uni”, with or without capitalisation)
yea = yes; indeed; truly; an affirmation (especially an affirmative vote), an indication of assent
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