[Editor: This poem was published in The Call & W.A. Sportsman (Perth, WA), 20 December 1918.]
“If they bet.”
A punter’s plaint.
(By “Reggie the Wroughter.”)
For years I’ve follered ’orses,
And I get
Stone morals on most courses
Fine or wet.
But of all the back-chat bleary
That would make a wowser beery
Is that stipulation dreary —
“If they bet!”
You will ’ear the old ’eads bray it,
When they’ve met,
You will ’ear each jockster say it
Of ’is pet;
And every bloke that meets you,
Ev’ry bosom pal that treats you
With an “’ome-and-dried ’un” greets you —
“If they bet!”
On the Terrace you will ’ear it
(If you’re let),
For they’re frightened you might queer it
If you get
A chance to nab the market —
For a nark can easy nark it,
So they want no fools to bark it —
If they bet!
At the Cup they’ll surely chat you,
Fine or wet;
All the whisp’rers will be at you
For their pet.
But my bit of good advice is,
Never mind the market prices,
Back the nag whose form entices —
If you bet!
For the shrewdest oftimes blunder,
And the cutest heads go under —
When they bet!
Source:
The Call & W.A. Sportsman (Perth, WA), 20 December 1918, p. 5
Editor’s notes:
cute = clever, cunning, shrewd, especially in a self-serving or underhanded manner (derived from “acute”) (distinct from the modern meaning of “cute” as pretty or attractive in a pleasant or endearing way)
’ead = (vernacular) head
’ear = (vernacular) hear
ev’ry = (vernacular) every
foller = (vernacular) follow
home-and-dried = sure of success, an achievement, or a win; sure of gaining safety (also rendered as “home and dry”, “home free”)
’is = (vernacular) his
jockster = (slang) jockey
nag = (slang) horse; can also have a negative meaning, referring to a horse which is regarded as inferior or worthless
nark = [1] annoy, irritate, upset (can also refer to: an informer, especially a police informer; stool pigeon, spy; an annoying person; to thwart or upset someone’s plans)
nark = [2] someone who is annoying, irritating, impolite; a whinger, a spoil-sport
oftimes = an alternative spelling of “ofttimes”: oftentimes, often, on many occasions; frequently, repeatedly (from Old English, “oft” meaning “often” or “frequently”)
’ome = (vernacular) home
plaint = complaint, protest; lamentation, sad cry, wail; a legal complaint seeking redress
queer = ruin, spoil; thwart; to spoil someone’s chance, opportunity, or situation (as used in the phrase “to queer his pitch”); to put someone into a bad, disadvantageous, hopeless, or negative position or situation (can also refer to: feeling or being ill; something odd or strange; a homosexual)
’un = (vernacular) one (plural: ’uns) (may be spelt with or without an apostrophe)
whisp’rer = (vernacular) whisperer
wowser = someone who is puritanical, bigoted, censorious, or overly moralistic, particularly those who aim to force their morals upon others (in the past, the word was especially applied to temperance campaigners)
[Editor: Changed “Ev ’ry bosom pal” to “Ev’ry bosom pal”.]
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