Election skits: Notes on the events [article and poem by “Kookaburra”, [1 September 1916]

[Editor: An article and a short poem by “Kookaburra”. Published in The Evelyn Observer, and Bourke East Record, 1 September 1916.]

Election Skits.

Notes on the events.

The Mag. — Good morning, Mr. Kook, and how do you feel after all the turmoil of the elections?

Kook. — Oh! all right. The beer aint as heavy as it used to be, we didn’t get much of a chance to got elevated, the candidates being all more or less of the dry sort, and as the count up wasn’t finished in some places till 7 o’clock, and the pubs closing at 9 or thereabouts, everybody got home sober.

Leslie came out on top all right at Morang. He was a bit dallied about his chance. So was old Walter. But I think they were doing a bit of kidding. Bob Morgan can fly his kite for a year, when Jack, who will perhaps grow a bit wiser, may leave him alone. Considering that he didn’t go to much trouble old William did very well to get first at Yan Yean, though young Tom was in such a devil of a hurry to get in he nearly passed him. Long Pat saved his bacon. Still he had a hard fight with Brock bombing him on one side and an armoured car pegging away on the other.

Bat didn’t want a job at Epping, but the people disappointed him and put him on top. They know they can generally score off him. Brownie was also put in as a guarantee that they have some very respectable people over there. He says he will attend to their wants as he always did in the past. He won’t want to do any less or they’ll wonder when he is going to make a start. Although it was a fine sunny day Jimmy said there was a severe hoar frost at Woodstock, and that some person was working against him. As he gets older he will find that quite a common practice at elections.

The plant from Thomastown being more hardy, although it had not been acclimatised to the district, stood the mountain air of Woodstock very well, and the sea breezes of the Darebin Creek gave it such a vigorous growth that it shot up into second place. Wuchatsch was supposed to come out on top by a lot who thought they knew something, but the end he came out on was buried in the ground. He did fairly well at Epping notwithstanding his queer name, but the particular Creiterions of Woodstock turned him down to a man. This sect was supposed to originally hail from Scotia, but on account of their extravagance were driven across the border, where they became converted and have very considerably altered their style of living. The dear departed does not think being out of the Council will affect his business to any great extent.

Johnnie from the Park has a funny style of getting into the Council. He says he asked his supporters to vote for some one else. Perhaps he thought by letting his motor go at top speed he would rush in that way, but Jimmy Ryan says that style was abolished years ago. Jimmy Bunions got a fright at Whittlesea where Suthy beat him by a nose, but Jimmy needn’t worry, as long as he don’t work too hard at home. His seat is safe at Mernda. Old Charlie will still be able to attend the meetings to discuss the knotty wandering stock problem. Jack will be able to occupy his mind with something more useful than Council matters. Wuchatsch says if Jack wants to talk, a good evangelist could find plenty of material to work on in the Epping Riding at the present time.

The Eltham elections came out first-class. Jack was too big a Mann to tackle, so they left him alone in one piece; all candidates get pulled to pieces more or less at election time. Hubbard had no bother to down(er) his opponent. Old Hub knows the ropes now and where to land the best blows. The ratepayers evidently didn’t think it a fair thing that Mr. Mealy should be put to the expense of travelling backwards and forwards from Sandringham to the meetings, so they unanimously decided to relieve him of the trouble and expense and make Murray do a bit for his tucker, so —

When old Daddy Hubbard
Comes back to his cupboard
To find his mealy spud,
Old Daddy will swear
When he finds it bare,
And Murray just starting to bud.

— Kookaburra.

Source:
The Evelyn Observer, and Bourke East Record (Kangaroo Ground, Vic.), 1 September 1916, p. 3

[Editor: Corrected “wont” to “won’t”.]

[Editor: The original text has been separated into paragraphs.]