[Editor: This poem by P. Luftig (Peter Airey) was published in The Bulletin Reciter, 1901.]
The Woman of the Future.
O ! The Woman of the Future ! Sound the trumpets — beat the drums !
She has donned the coat and breeches, and in triumph on she comes ;
She has fixed her vengeful optic on the trembling tyrant Man,
She has sworn to quit the bondage of the wash-tub and the pan.
She has sworn to crush the despot, and to puff his best cigar,
Sworn to spout from many a pulpit and to practise at the bar ;
Sworn to clip her flowing ringlets, whether auburn, black, or brown,
And to raise upon her upper lip a tiny crop of down.
She will come as comes a conqueror, and she ’ll scorn to bill and coo,
And she ’ll whistle for her darling when she comes to win and woo ;
And she ’ll brave the boot capacious of our own irate papa.
And she ’ll hug us in a frenzy when we bid her “Ask mamma !”
And she’ll leave us in the evening, saying, “Rock the cradle, John !
If you ’re lonesome, darn some stockings, dear, or sew some buttons on ;
Pray, be careful that you don’t disturb the baby’s soft repose,
And you ’ll find his feeding-bottle close beside his little nose !”
Yea! she’ll hold the land in awe from far Beersheba unto Dan,
And she ’ll take us to the opera and go out “to see a man” ;
And with cursed cunning ogle (ah, ye husbands ! there ’s the rub !)
Will she leer upon the barman when she calleth at the pub.
And she ’ll chuck the handsome youths she meets beneath the chubby chin,
And she ’ll tell you with a hiccup, “Sack and sugar ’s not a sin !”
And she’ll wander home at 2 a.m. and tell her trusting hub.,
“We were slaying of the microbe at the Gay Galooters’ Club.”
And the pride of Man shall dwindle, and his glory fade away
Like the glory of the sunset in the train of parting day ;
And a huge, discarded petticoat shall be his funeral pall,
And a cackling Hen Convention scream a paean at his fall !
A.G. Stephens (editor). The Bulletin Reciter: A Collection of Verses for Recitation from “The Bulletin” [1880-1901], The Bulletin Newspaper Company, Sydney, 1902 [first published 1901], pages 70-72