Hints to Candidates [song by Charles Thatcher, 1857]

[Editor: This song by Charles Thatcher was published in Thatcher’s Colonial Songster, 1857.]

Hints To Candidates.

Thatcher’s celebrated Election Song, as sung by him at the “Shamrock.”
Tune — “Bob and Joan.

Candidates draw near,
We often have elections;
Listen, and you’ll hear,
A few first-rate directions.
Mind, I require no fees,
So grant me your attention;
And to would-be M.L.C.’s,
A dodge or two I’ll mention.

If you’re possessed of pelf
(This is good admonition),
First unto yourself
Draw up a requisition.
About your talents blow,
Mind, that’s the regular caper;
For all these things, you know,
Look deuced well on paper.

Be full of cautiousness;
Spend lots in advertising;
Then, issue an address,
The effect will be surprising.
That taking word REFORM!
Throughout it keep repeating;
Pitch it pretty warm,
And then call a meeting.

If you’re not a flat,
Get some one that knows you;
With a good coat and black hat;
To stand up and propose you.
Run the squatters down,
Cry down Compensation;
’Twill suit, I’ll bet a crown,
The digging population.

Abuse the Government;
Say that your are shocked,
And ’tis your intent
The lands shall be unlocked.
Call their system bad;
Swear yours is superior;
And that railways must be had,
To open up th’ interior.

Be sure that you decry
Property qualification;
And, if you are fly,
Crack up education.
And as a splendid blind,
Enlarge on moral training;
Extol the infant mind,
And a great point you’ll be gaining.

The Chinese tax evade;
Favor emigration;
Advocate State Aid,
And Steam Communication.
From California,
We’ve lately had a letter;
So, of course, the less you say
About Balloting the better.

Instruction you will find
In these profound suggestions;
’Tis not your game, though, mind,
To answer any questions.
Come in a sober state,
Do as I’ve directed,
And I calculate,
You’re safe to be elected.

Charles R. Thatcher. Thatcher’s Colonial Songster, Containing All the Choice Local Songs, Parodies, &c., of the Celebrated Chas. R. Thatcher, Charlwood & Son, Melbourne, 1857, pages 35-36

Editor’s notes:
blow = boast

fly = clever, knowing, “wide awake” [see: 1) [John Camden Hotten]. The Slang Dictionary; Or, the Vulgar Words, Street Phrases, and “Fast” Expressions of High and Low Society , J. C. Hotten, London, 1865, page 136; 2) James Maitland. The American Slang Dictionary, [R. J. Kittredge & Co.], Chicago, 1891, page 114]

M.L.C.’s = MLCs; Members of the Legislative Council

pelf = wealth or riches, especially when dishonestly acquired

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