[Editor: This poem by Louisa Lawson was published in “The Lonely Crossing” and Other Poems (1905).]
Renunciation.
Thou sayest that I am heartless and a coward,
That I with blandishments thy passion drew
Until thy will was weakened and o’erpowered,
Then back to thee that love again I threw.
Thou doest me wrong when thou dost call me coward.
To kill a passion one must needs be brave:
To tear a love out, strong and hope enflowered,
And cast it warm and pulsing in the grave.
I plucked my love while in its virgin beauty
And memorised it, for I was afraid
That it might warm to lust or chill to duty;
Or change to hate, or suffer blight or fade.
If I was cold I was so but in seeming,
If I was calm, then I did well my part.
To suffer torture is not pleasant dreaming,
Nor ease to petrify a living heart.
While love unsatisfied my heart was wringing,
I would not kiss thy close and tempting lips,
And while my starving soul to thee was clinging
I would not touch thee e’en with finger tips.
Thou wert my ideal one, my inspiration,
Thou ledst me up and on to high degrees,
And the great plan of a Divine creation
Shewed me, in nature’s splendid mysteries.
Forget me now, nor seek to reinstate me;
I have elected hence to walk alone.
I love a love, not man; oh, do not hate me —
A love etherealised that’s all my own.
Source:
Louisa Lawson, “The Lonely Crossing” and Other Poems, Sydney: Dawn Office, [1905], pp. 53-54
Editor’s notes:
doest = (archaic) do
dost = (archaic) do
e’en = (archaic) a contraction of “even”
etherealise = to make ethereal (insubstantial, light, tenuous, or lacking material substance; heavenly, otherworldly, spiritual; or something very delicate or refined) (also spelt: etherealize)
ledst = (archaic) led
o’erpowered = (archaic) overpowered
sayest = (archaic) say
shew = archaic spelling of “show”
thee = (archaic) you
thou = (archaic) you
thy = (archaic) your
wert = (archaic) were (commonly appears as “thou wert”, i.e. “you were”); the second person singular of “were”, used as the subjunctive imperfect tense of “be”
[Editor: Changed “en-enflowered” to “enflowered”; “was wringing” to “was wringing,” (added comma); “etherialised” to “etherealised”.]
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