Past Carin’ [poem by Henry Lawson]

[Editor: This poem by Henry Lawson was published in In the Days When the World Was Wide and Other Verses, 1896.]

Past Carin’

Now up and down the siding brown
The great black crows are flyin’,
And down below the spur, I know,
Another ‘milker’s’ dyin’;
The crops have withered from the ground,
The tank’s clay bed is glarin’,
But from my heart no tear nor sound,
For I have gone past carin’ —
Past worryin’ or carin’,
Past feelin’ aught or carin’;
But from my heart no tear nor sound,
For I have gone past carin’.

Through Death and Trouble, turn about,
Through hopeless desolation,
Through flood and fever, fire and drought,
And slavery and starvation;
Through childbirth, sickness, hurt, and blight,
And nervousness an’ scarin’,
Through bein’ left alone at night,
I’ve got to be past carin’.
Past botherin’ or carin’,
Past feelin’ and past carin’;
Through city cheats and neighbours’ spite,
I’ve come to be past carin’.

Our first child took, in days like these,
A cruel week in dyin’,
All day upon her father’s knees,
Or on my poor breast lyin’;
The tears we shed — the prayers we said
Were awful, wild — despairin’!
I’ve pulled three through, and buried two
Since then — and I’m past carin’.
I’ve grown to be past carin’,
Past worryin’ and wearin’;
I’ve pulled three through and buried two
Since then, and I’m past carin’.

’Twas ten years first, then came the worst,
All for a dusty clearin’,
I thought, I thought my heart would burst
When first my man went shearin’;
He’s drovin’ in the great North-west,
I don’t know how he’s farin’;
For I, the one that loved him best,
Have grown to be past carin’.
I’ve grown to be past carin’
Past lookin’ for or carin’;
The girl that waited long ago,
Has lived to be past carin’.

My eyes are dry, I cannot cry,
I’ve got no heart for breakin’,
But where it was in days gone by,
A dull and empty achin’.
My last boy ran away from me,
I know my temper’s wearin’,
But now I only wish to be
Beyond all signs of carin’.
Past wearyin’ or carin’,
Past feelin’ and despairin’;
And now I only wish to be
Beyond all signs of carin’.

Source:
Henry Lawson. In the Days When the World Was Wide and Other Verses, Angus and Robertson, Sydney, 1903 [first published 1896], pages 74-76