Election Skits: Encore [poem by “Kookaburra”, 18 August 1916]

[Editor: A poem by “Kookaburra” about the Whittlesea Shire elections. Published in The Evelyn Observer, and Bourke East Record, 18 August 1916.]

Election Skits.

We’re afraid that Paddy Goss
Would report a total loss
Had he stopped to see the numbers on the wall,
But we don’t think Pat will care,
He so seldom wandered there,
It’s a wonder that he found the place at all.

We’ve agreed that Sunny Jim,
Who’s advanced from being slim,
Is entitled to a seat around the Board.
He’s the head at every party,
So with wishes, good and hearty,
Let us hope he’ll never have his Sunday clobber stored.

Let old William end his work,
Which we know he’d never shirk,
’Twould be sacrilege to turn him under now,
He has always been a man —
You deny it if you can,
For he’s never looked behind him since they started this pow-wow.

Jack and Bob must take their chance
Who will catch the forward glance,
When the people come together at the poll.
Bob will likely take the winnings,
He’d already had an innings,
But young Jack seems quite sanguine since he’s counted up the roll.

Jimmy, on his coffee-pot,
Has careered around a lot,
And begins to feel quite cocky of his chance of getting in.
But some men are double-jointed,
And if Jim is disappointed,
He’ll reflect and ponder ere he tries to go again.

Yes, we think that Lewis B.
Will get in quite easily.
There’s no need for him to bother for to get condition on.
So we think he can prepare
And get measured for a chair;
He is bound to burst the small ones that they have to sit upon.

There’s no need for Tom to hurry
To partake of Council curry,
He is plenty young enough for useful labor yet.
And perhaps some other time,
When he’s grown into prime
He will got a requisition to oppose a suffragette.

Brownie, as an absentee,
Can’t be counted with the three
That are going to be harnessed to the plough;
But, as he’s a gentleman,
They will help him all they can,
And, by gum, there is no telling what the tally-up will show.

Sutherland is undecided
If he’ll win or be derided,
Though we don’t think he’d be worried if he was.
For, though Suthy is no ranter,
He is out to have a canter,
And we’d welcome him with pleasure if he’d ride a winning hoss.

10.

Will long Pat come in a winner?
Sure, he ought, the grey old sinner,
For he’s had a long experience at the game;
But he’s going to have a tussle,
So he’ll have to start to hustle,
Or he’ll find that Jimmie Ryan won’t be painting up his name.

11.

We are already told that Apted
For a Chairman is adapted,
And that he will score some favours up the Creek.
If he’s bred among the wowsers,
Then his speeches will be rousers,
So, perhaps, he’ll light his fire ’bout the middle of next week.

12.

Now I’m left with good old Walter,
May his footsteps never falter,
Though he’s trod this Council by-way for some forty years or more.
He’s a wily, artful dodger,
Fond of comfort, the old codger,
As he’s left no vote neglected there’s no doubt he’ll top the score.

13.

Billy James has now retired,
And the members all admired
Billy’s pluck in always coming to the meeting.
So we hope he will improve
In that warmer clime above,
So that when he does return we’ll extend a kindly greeting.

14.

Cripes! I near forgot old Hardy,
Whose outcoming has been tardy,
For he’s had these Council troubles for some twenty years or more.
And they’ll think it here no sin
If they vote to put him in,
For, at Epping, they do covert some one new to sweep their floor.

The grand finale will be played on August 24th (Jimmy Ryan, Conductor).

Encore.

Mr. Cain will not be Abel
To keep such a sumptuous table
If they have to close the bar at six o’clock.
For the losses on the dinners
That’s consumed by Council sinners,
Can be never compensated by the sale of Canteen Bock.

Mag : “I say Kook, what did they say about old Bob’s verses at the meeting ?” “Oh, some of them wern’t too stinking but Johnnie’s hummed a bit.” “Well, shouldn’t they; what would you expect — Eau de cologne? Did you see old Charlie get up on his hind legs, and bark at Walter about Alec’s bridge? Didn’t he give him beams.” “Beans you mean.” “Charlie said he gave him some beams once, but he has been sorry for it ever since. But where is Alec’s bridge?” “Oh, I’ll tell you all about it next week.” Bob Harris was chuckling about something last Wednesday; what was it about ?”

Bobby Harris uses ink,
But he’s never stops to think
That his writing is too serious for to interest the crowd.
They’ve no time to think of game,
Catching small fish is too tame,
And the bally price of apples has got them completely cow’d.*

(*They are going in for cows.)

So we hear there is a rumour
That he will insert some humor,
And he’s asked the Kookaburra to assist,
As he don’t require a shilling,
Why the Kook is always willing,
So you’d better buy the paper so that Bobby can subsist.

The candle’s gone out. God bless you.

— The Kook.

Source:
The Evelyn Observer, and Bourke East Record (Kangaroo Ground, Vic.), 18 August 1916, p. 3

[Editor: Corrected “Jonhnie’s” to “Johnnie’s”.]